piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
