The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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