thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just pee around me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
