I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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