I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
