I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
