somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
