I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
