stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
