tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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