i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So apparently I’m into choking now
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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