Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
