The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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