I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
