he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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