3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
