i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
