I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
