My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
