That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
