New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
