Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
