I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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