that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
3pm strippers are depressing
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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