i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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