I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There's always time for handjobs
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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