Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
