I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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