There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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