i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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