Well apparently he's into motor boating.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
