You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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