get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
