just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
