Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
