You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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