I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
