It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
