You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
