I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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