Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
