I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
