I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
