Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
