I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
