The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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