I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
