Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
