nut hugger
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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