i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
