Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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