whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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