i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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